Look Around
by shadow-kiki
Summary: Where is he? Where am I? All I can see are things that happened in the past- things that I can remember. How can I get back to those happy days?


This is a story I've been working on... It's set in first person and it has many pairings, but I would like to at least keep you guessing on them. It is slight AU because I have things mix matched not to mention the fact that I merge the anime with the games by including Patty. There are several OCs and homosexual couples... I think that's it... so enjoy...

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><p>It's sad- the life of a human. We live; we love, then as if by some slight chance- we die. We leave our loved ones far behind in the world where we once held hands for a place we can only believe is there. We hope and cry for the return of our beloved ones- but they won't come back, but worst of all we know it's true.<p>

Life itself denies us our wishes and leaves us in a new world- Heaven or Hell. He won't care if we had promises to keep or loved ones to care about because he has a job to do. His job is to slowly return souls to Earth while death slowly brings them to Heaven or Hell. This was their cycle for thousands of years so our pleading words meant little to them. I only wished to return for him- because I loved him and I knew he would be lost without me.

Zack pled to Life offering his memory, his dreams, and everything that made him himself to return to his loved one. I don't remember his name quite well, but I knew his smile. Then Life took a deep breath of air into his lungs and let is slowly escape his lips.

"Do you realize what you are doing? Life asked. "He will remember you but you won't know him. He will lose you again and he will suffer even more in the end."

"He needs me- so as long as I can be by his side I don't care anymore. I can't sit here and watch him suffer!" Zack shouted.

"You would act differently because of different parents and the person he fell in love with will no longer exist-but a new you would take your spot! Is it really worth it?"

"Yes, because even if it is just my soul that knows that I am near him, that I had seen him in the background- I will be happy. If I could even say hello to him and make a difference to him in some way I would say that it is worth everything. To see him is worth anything."

"Well then step forth."

"I want to go too!" I spat out.

Life motioned for me to step forward too. I'm sorry Zack because I know that you don't want me to do this. I'm sorry for my loved one- the one I can hear call my name. I wish I can see you in the future and I wish that we will meet again because they tried to erase you from my mind so that this could still be considered a paradise. Yet a paradise for good people cannot let me forget the love that I had for you. I cannot remember why you can live on without me, but I know that these people do not like either of us for our love. Our love that never should have been- just like Zack and his loved one. It is a sin for us to love you but it is well worth it.

"I want to be with him- or even simply in the same area as him. Please just grant me this wish, if we lose more than we have offered."

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><p>A woman looked right at me as tears dripped down her pale skin. The tears slipped down easily over the smooth skin that would put a baby to shame. She pushed away the blonde strands and her pink lips pulled up in a smile. She seemed conflicted and I wanted to step out into the white abyss and comfort her, but I was left stunned. I wished I could have spoken but the words were caught in my throat- they were choking me- leaving me to attempt to move my gaze from her. Her smile left and she frowned at me –she too could feel my pain just like I could hers. She stepped forward and in a strangely soft voice she muttered, "You are lucky that you are seen and will always shine."<p>

She turned her back to me, shifted her weight, and rubbed her eyes. "Why?" she muttered. "I know that we did this, but still, you and I have changed. You wouldn't even know me if I told you who I was or who I am. You would look at me with those eyes that you stole from him and ask me 'who'. Now we mean nothing to each other and Jake is left behind us. We left him when we pled for our return because we were mortal and they were not. We pled and wasted out tears as he left us to live with Nick. Now we only have each other- only a tiny bit of each other. I know that you would be upset so why won't you come and cheer me up? Just like you always would- you could smile and say there's nothing to worry about because we'll find them. Yet in our hearts we both would know that we could not find them but hope that they would come and find us."

I knew her sorrow- and she did have a point. I should have uttered a word while she cried-yet I was left to stand here like a suffocating fish. I was helpless and yet couldn't she sense my peril? She knew how hurt I was too, she knew that I was choked up and I was trying to stay strong for her. Yet why did she say those hurtful things? I could understand what she was talking about but it was all hazy. Events that happened yesterday simply didn't seem real to me because of what she said- like I had duties to fulfill somewhere else. She seemed to know that she had hit something deep inside of my being because she looked back with a sad smile and faded away.

I blinked lazily and the whiteness was gone. I was simply looking at my ceiling. I scoffed at the oddness of my dream, because it has not been the first of the odd series of them. She would appear at a variety of ages- young and old- and she would ask me questions that made me question everything about myself- or the person that I thought I was. I think that I'm just crazy, but it's hard to believe that thought. Who can honestly declare themselves crazy because they have dreams of a girl that appears to want something from you? That's all I need another thing to add to my list of 'what to worry about next'. So far, it's on the bottom of the list.

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><p>I lost her, just like Dante lost him. Her cold hand rested in the warmth of mine for the last time sixteen-no seventeen years ago. She didn't deserve to die then- the very moment my eyes were open. She declined my help with her bright smile- giggled ever so softly when I held the door for her. We took our time ordering our last meal. She looked tired and I knew that I shouldn't have taken her so far from home-but she needed to be cheered up after her brothers 'departed'. The eldest was lost due to a gunshot- he was defending his loved one who died the next day because of suicide- how lucky. Then the older brother died just a week before her. He died in his lover's arms, a peaceful death- but a sad one. It was as if he didn't even know that he was going- or even gone. She knew that she was leaving me, yet decided not to tell me or even warn me. She smiled during her last moments- smiled because she knew that I loved her and that I would do anything for her.<p>

Now all I have left of her are the scars she left on the house and the tombstone that sits in our backyard. This is where I dine with her soul, where I talk to her- to keep her company. I try to do all of the things that I wish I had done more often with her, but I was blinded by my quest for power- so I could protect her. Now I can't even stand to clean the messes she made- to sleep in the bed we shared. Now I only have Dante.

Dante insists on visiting me daily if even for a few minutes. I assume it's because business is almost nonexistent lately. He's kept his head hung low, but tries to hide it behind his cheerful mask. He too feels the pain, yet he tries to move on and lives on Zack's words. The words that were left to cheer him up – 'If I die and I'm reincarnated- come and find me." Shadow was not silly enough to believe that I would follow her. She and I both knew that it was not possible for us to see each other once more after she had passed, yet I find myself waiting and trying to ease our souls by keeping her company.

Dante thinks I'm crazy because I sit outside and give her flowers. He thinks I'm odd because I go outside and eat at her grave- sometimes cooking up a plate for her. I know that she enjoys my thoughtfulness, because it is nice to know that someone still cares.

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><p>I miss hearing him say such sweet words- I even miss Lady though if she took my money and- before I continue I'll just leave it at I miss her. Trish hasn't been the same since Lady had passed, but it's not like she's the only one. Vergil and I have both been affected too. Neither of us can stand the thought of the past. It's been tough moving on, but I know that Zack will be back one day- and so I have to push forward. He'll just laugh at my little memorial and say it was sweet- then he'd text Shadow about it as she laughs and Virgil questions, "Why". That will be the future as long as we move on.<p>

Yesterday I wandered around collecting odd glances and questioning looks, but it's to be expected from the humans. They created mysteries that surround me and so human interactions are curt. Vergil hates leaving home for more than a few hours because he 'needs to be home for Shadow'- bullshit. He just misses her to the point where he's nuts! He doesn't understand that she wouldn't have wanted this for him! She would have been happy seeing him doing well and then she could rest in peace- but she's probably distressed in her grave because of him.

Their children have moved on easier than him- but that could be assumed in this case. When Virgil goes to see his children and grandchildren they savor every moment they have with him. He puts on a fake Virgil-like smile and speaks to them asking how they have been doing. Everything that is happening now is just bull shit.

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><p>Chapter 1 – My Life Before<p>

Before I would smile when I awoke to the call of my 'brothers'-we weren't actually family, but it helped to know that there was someone willing to accept me and care for me. My older brother Jake took Zack under his wing when he himself just turned eighteen-I don't know exactly where he found Zack or anything. Jake had to provide food for the both of them and housing with the simple job he had. They just barely made it by most times.

Then they found me- yeah they found me at three years old. I had a book bag and a simple dress on, sitting on a corner crying. They soon found out that I was lost and worst of all alone. Jake wanted to take me to the police to try and find my parents, but Zack simply wanted to keep me-being the younger of the two he didn't quite understand the situation. The police searched for my parents, but it was as if all traces of them were gone- and so the first willing family took me in- Jake and Zack.

Jake- because Zack was old enough to watch me- took on a second job and sometimes would have a temporary third job. He would return home exhausted, but he would smile and still cook us dinner and take us out if we had time. He would buy us what he could- but not everything. Sometimes he would have us do our chores for something we wanted-not needed. Jake was always particular about providing us with what we _needed_- I guess he never had shoes that fit or pants that didn't have holes in them. If I wanted a certain dress- for example- he would make sure it would fit and that it was without holes. He would check our shoes to see if they still fit. Our fridge was always full- even if Zack and I had to put it away because Jake was tired.

When Zack became sixteen he was almost required by Jake to have a job and still go to school. Zack pouted about it but Jake didn't care because we were costing him a fortune! Jake even stated that if Zack wanted to continue living in the house that he had to get a job- but I don't think that he was in the wrong because it did prepare him for the real world. Then if Zack wanted something Jake wouldn't buy it even if he did his chores. Zack had to buy it with his own money, yet Jake still provided the necessities for him. They would sometimes leave me at home alone because of how their work schedules were, but I knew that I was ok at home.

I would try to tidy up the house, but decided that it was too much work and moved on to washing clothing. After destroying one of Zack's shirts and making Jake's shirts pink I was told never to do wash again. I guess I'm explaining why I never did any work, but they did baby me more than they should have. If I got a cut or bruise they would come running and kiss it better and put a band-aide on it if needed. Jake would chase bullies away and Zack would encourage me to be myself so I had nothing to fear.

Yet we were all still family because they would always pick on me. Zack would start it by teasing me and Jake would finish it by putting Zack in the corner and me on the step. It's not like he stopped us from conspiring against him silently (and across the room). After our time was up we would sit on the couch and confirm our plans with each other before striking. Jake would have Zack clinging on to his back and I would be grabbing his arms so he couldn't pull Zack off. In the end- no matter how it ended- we would all smile and laugh wholeheartedly.

We did face some tough times with dealing with one another. We would argue and fight with each other just like any other family. I cannot say that they were in the wrong or that they started it because I was in the wrong too. I cut Zack's hair just because I wanted to cut hair- and not my own. I duct taped Jake's work uniform to the bathroom door- well that was because I wanted to get back at him (I didn't realize that he needed to leave right away that morning-whoops). Zack would stick me in the basement (not for just a few minutes either) - just because 'it would shut me up- or at least put me out of hearing range'. Zack wouldn't just target me though; he'd get Jake too sometimes he'd even get away with it. The one time he poured salt- yes table salt- into Jake's soda and let's just say Jake's twisted face spoke the taste of it. Jake rushed over to the sink and spit out the rancid liquid. Then he dumped his cup in the sink rushing over to the fridge for a fresh drink. In the end Zack blamed it on me when he realized how mad Jake was about his soda- and I was stuck in my room for a week with my room stripped of anything 'fun'. Jake never found out and well Zack never said sorry to me- not even a "thank you".

Beside the fact that we weren't actually related- we were pretty normal. Not any different than everyone else and we were happy that way. Then when I turned seventeen things became a bit slushy. Jake insisted that I got a job to support myself, but I wanted to lead my own life. I took more difficult classes than Zack and did many more things on my own compared to him. I ran away, not to stay away, but for the moment- and that's when I ran into him.

He stood tall and looked down to me with such hatred- I can't believe that he could possess it. His eyes had a silver look to them, but a blue hue overlaid it making it almost impossible to tear your gaze away. It felt like time had frozen before two hands firmly grasped my shoulders. I sucked in a cold breath of air that stung my lungs before I looked behind me craning my neck just to see the man's face. This guy- I forget his name- had a distorted face like someone burned half of his face. They had an aurora around him, just like the other one, but it felt viler.

"This scum should be disposed of." The man holding my shoulders dug his fingers into my back evicting a squeak of surprise from my lips. "No human should be ignorant enough to run into such an important demon like you." I felt the cold night breeze for the first time since stepping out doors and my heart seemed to drop down into my stomach. Then I looked back into the eyes of him- my eyes did not catch the white strands of hair that were pushed back, but stubbornly denied his order. I did not even see the hilt of the sword that poked from over his shoulder. I could see the blur of his blue outfit and pale skin. All that seemed to be clear was his glare- the unwavering gaze of hatred towards me- or my kind perhaps.

"Leave her be." His reply was a ticket back to Earth. The man removed his snake like grip and I fell to my knees. Seconds passed like hours before he turned his back to me and began to walk away. The sound of his steps echoed in my head.

"Letting scum like you live, you should know that you are lucky." The other man hissed from above me, but my eyes wouldn't-they couldn't leave him- Vergil.

Once he was out of sight I slowly looked down to the ground. I lifted my hands and paused-as much as I tried to keep them still I failed. I gave in and crumbled in on myself. I lifted my cold hands up to my warm face and cared not to wipe away my tears. The night seemed to come all too quickly as I thought of those eyes the very ones that pierced my very being. I can faintly remember someone grabbing me roughly by the shoulder. The pain that shot through my shoulder was enough for me to yelp and come back down to Earth.

I looked over my shoulder and rubbed my eyes- my attempt to clear up my blurred vision was in vain- but I knew the figure of my brother. Jake came to my rescue when I fell to minuscule pieces- and carried me home where Zack and Jake embraced me with their love and affection. They asked me "why" for everything- "Why did you run out?" "Why did you scare us like you did?" "Why were you crying?" "Why?" I don't blame them personally for being concerned, but it was too soon for me to think about it. Yet I did not think about the questions that they were asking me- I was entranced with how they had even worried so much about something so small. Then Jake said something to awake me from my daze- "I'm sorry Shadow."

Zack must have been as surprised as me- because his expression was as dumbfounded as my own. Jake hugged us both tightly and we offered him our comfort absentmindedly. Jake fully understood what could have happened far before Zack or me. He knew that he could have lost me- not that he knew what I encountered but because of how young I was and how vulnerable. I wish I had known his pain earlier in life because, and then he wouldn't have had a heart filled with pain for so long. I never was able to say that it wasn't his fault or that I was perfectly ok, just afraid. I never even told him what had happened. Poor Jake, why didn't I tell you when I had the chance? Why didn't you ever ask me again? Were you trying to protect me from those memories popping up again?

I can remember for several days that when I awoke it would be from Zack and Jake arguing. I wouldn't smile and I couldn't tell them to stop fighting because I knew I'd make it worse. For once it felt like the glue that we used to fix our family was finally deteriorating and I was the only one to see it. They were blinded by senseless arguments about practically everything. Jake was only able to take so much and soon enough he was working longer hours and we had to cook for ourselves. Zack would curse Jake for leaving us alone for so long. He didn't mind cooking for us it was simply the fact that he seemed to be running away from his problems by distracting himself with more work on his shoulders. This was the time where I grew closer to Zack- we would speak to each other about our secrets and joke about simple things. I felt comfortable around Zack and Jake soon felt like an alien in our home.

I don't remember Jake ever looking as sick as he was before he came home. I can't imagine why he returned to us pale and shivering. He dripped water in a path to the kitchen where we were at the time. Jake-teeth chattering- managed out his apology- for what I don't know but I assume that he felt guilty for everything he didn't do. Zack and I did not answer him but immediately we both ran for a chair or a towel for Jake to use. Once Jake stopped shivering and seemed content in the blanket that was fetched for him, Zack placed one hand on each side of his face. They looked into each other's eyes and Zack asked that one question, "Why?"

Jake tried to turn his head but Zack kept him still. A few moments passed before he answered, "Because I feel terrible- for everything. I know that you are right in what you are saying- and your theories are something I agree with, but I know that they are wrong. Shadow needs to learn to defend herself- she needs to become a woman that a man wants to take as a bride. We can't afford to send any of us to college and she won't get very far otherwise- that's a fact. We can't baby her for her entire life because what will she do when we find love? Are we still supposed to provide everything for her? I know that I don't want to force her to go out and get a job. I know that she doesn't need a man in her life- I also know that whoever has her as a wife will be lucky- but reality just won't allow it.

"I'm sorry to say this to you Shadow- and even you too Zack. I just feel like the difficult decisions that I make- you two just don't understand why. I've tried to make your lives as normal as possible- but I can't do it any more- not alone. I just needed time to think- time to cool down from the arguing. I'm sorry for leaving you two to fend for yourselves- but I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think that you two couldn't handle it. I love you Zack and Shadow- and I'm really sorry for everything."

He returned to us broken down and beaten by his own thoughts. His hopes crushed and his heart in shreds. It was our duty to help him back to the point where he was before. With love and care Zack and I would mend our family member's wounds. Then finally Jake would smile once more with the weight off his chest.

What he had said did not leave our minds that easily. They left their marks on all of us. To me it was devastating that a simple job could have meant so much. Him asking me to cook dinner one night was not just because he was tired- but also because he's preparing me for what I'm going to have to do. Yet it made me think of my morals- was material possessions worth being abused? Or would happiness be worth having almost nothing? Did I have a chance at going to college? Only if I had money, the money we didn't have. Jake couldn't make enough himself to put it aside for both me and Zack to go to college. It's the sad truth, but what could I do about it?

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><p>Zack<p>

_I knew what I had to do even if I wasn't happy about it- I had to look for a job. I did look and apply to places but not once did I get a call. There was an opening that not many people were daring to look into and even fewer applied. Not a single one of them were called for an interview and so desperate, Zack and I took a walk to the shop- Devil May Cry. It looked abused and like it went through hell since the store was opened._

_I knocked on the door and when there was no answer Zack encouraged me to just walk in. The door groaned in protest and a whiff of the inside almost made me lose my lunch. Next to hit me was the warmth emitting from inside. "Hey if you're gonna come in do it quickly." A manly voice called out- but it was difficult to identify the speaker in the dull light of the building. We rushed inside and stuck close together. A rough white haired man sat in front of us his feet on his desk and a magazine in hand. "Well, go ahead and tell me what you want." He said with a sigh and boredom laced in his voice. Zack motioned for me to step forward and speak, but even without the other man's eyes on me I could feel the pressure._

_"I heard that there was a job opening here, I was just going to ask a bit about it." I said. I felt like I was playing a deadly game of words with the man, but his reply was like a recording._

_"You won't be paid much money so turn around now if you are lookin' for tons of it." He stopped- waiting for me to walk away I guess. "You will work long hours," he looked down from his magazine. "You'll deal with loads of shit," he placed the magazine down and removed his feet from his desk. "You'll have maybe one or two days off a week," in less than a blink of an eye he stood. I could hear from beside me Zack sucking in air only to let it out moments later. "Lastly, if anything happens to you I'm not going to save your ass." He stepped closer, but with each step he took- every time I heard his boots 'clunk' against the wooden floor boards- my heart sunk further and further into my stomach. "Are you willing to deal with all that? Do you think that- you a little girl- could possibly deal with all of this?"_

_They both were looking at me for an answer. Zack now seemed to be looking at me like he knew the answer to the questions I was being asked. I felt like he remembered something that I didn't even bother to think of, but the other man was looking to me with a hint of curiosity. I know that these feelings seem like foreshadowing, but they were honest and true at the time. In all honesty if he wanted to tell me before my choice he could have. Yet we stood there for several moments before I finally came to a decision between having a small job so I could reference it and not having a job- which would cause more fighting in my home. I didn't think I simply said, "Yes."_

_Shadow didn't know it but she looked at him with such determination I just can't help but wonder where it came from. She didn't understand what we had gotten ourselves into. It had been years since the games came out and most people would consider them ancient games, but it was him! It was Dante- you know Dante from Devil May Cry! To think that I didn't think of it before when we entered! Damn it I shoulda known that it was gonna be him in there! It was one of my favorite games when I played it. I just guess that her eyes were clouded._

_They musta been- I mean how could she have forgotten about when I'd play the game and she'd squeal! All Jake could hear was "Daw! It's him! It's Vergil! Zack he's gonna kick Dante's sorry ass for not joining him! Vergil's smarter than Dante ever will be!" However she wouldn't win just there I'd shout, "Shadow shut it! Vergil's gonna die- not by Dante but by the underworld! He just appears as a ghost in the first one!" Guess it was 'cause of her age that she didn't think about him (well in a way that was logical)- or even the game series. Perhaps it was the city we were raised in that taught us not to believe in silly things like demons- or even the fact that a game could be based off something real._

_She accepted the job- the one I wish I coulda had instead of her. Then I'd be next to Dante all the time and have an excuse just to talk to him. I woulda had the job if only I'd been lookin' 'round. Sadly it wasn't me and Shadow would be off to work at eight in the morning and in the evening she'd be back around five. We didn't allow her to work any later because of the distance, but we'd walk down and pick her up. Jake and I knew the consequences of leaving her there for too long or if we didn't pick her up. She was cute enough to rape- not that I wasn't, but I admit I'm a guy and there's less of a chance of me being raped- so we were never late._

_Since she was gone all the time she never saw-thankfully- what Jake and I fought through. We would argue over everything because he never supported me and to him I was just a selfish asshole. Yet when Shadow came home Jake would duck his head and let me seem like the bad guy if I yelled at him. Why did he want to protect her more so than me? I was the one that wanted to add her to our family- our broken and beaten family. Now I won't sugarcoat anything when I speak of our family 'cause I saw it for what it truly was._

_Shadow may think that we were all fine and dandy, but that was only when she was there. She never saw how much Jake expected from me- nor did she see what he did to me. I know that it's wrong, and I know that you may frown upon me, but I am gay. Not that it makes me any different than you, but it's true. Anyways, Jake was too, and he had his little boyfriend Nick. At the time I was suffering through leaving my boyfriend Brett. He did nothing wrong to me and I did nothing wrong to him, we were separated because he had to move. He said he'd be back but at the time it was just so rough because of how much I missed him. I was civil with my response and all I could do was cry into his shoulder. When I came home I was still a mess- just a pile of ripped paper- and all Jake said was, "Grow a pair Zack, you knew that it would happen sooner or later."_

_I knew that it would happen but we were family right? Wasn't he there to hold me up when I'm down? Well reader let me tell you it only got worse from there on out. He wouldn't give me any slack and I was choking 'cause of him. Yet one day he stops everything and looks to me with a sad smile. I glared at him yet it didn't faze him- all he did was walk over to me and hug me. His height allowed him to look down upon me and I had to look up to him._

_"Zack I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you but I want you to be strong. I don't want to seem like I'm mocking you or anything I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I've done. I know that someone has to expose you to the cruel world that will yell and scream at you even when you're down."_

_I can't believe I fell for it. I didn't believe him at first but then he gradually became nicer to me and supported me more. All I did was sit there and blame his cruelty on the stress that he was faced with when Shadow did not have a job to help support us all. It was odd to hear it come from my brother's mouth, but he wanted to hang out after Shadow came back from work. The entire night Shadow spent time looking for clothing-she does like to shop more so than one may think- but Jake and I spent all our time together. Jake would hold me close and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. I did not think about Jake having Nick, no I was lost after my loss and I was just another easy pick for him._

_This is where I could not twist facts with my words and my point of view. Jake had used me. Jake had used both of us- Nick and me. We both were angry with him when we found that he 'loved' both of us, yet only I was able to keep my grudge. Nick forgave him- he did not forget because Jake had to start all over with him. Even if Jake were to do that for me it wouldn't be enough- no I was much too angry with him because of how he used me without a second thought._

_Now reader I know that this could seem odd because we are like brothers, but even if we thought it over- I didn't care and Jake just wanted another lay because Nick wasn't doing anything with him for a while-not like he would after Jake's stunt but anyways. Back to what Shadow saw- she saw nothing- not even Jake and I arguing less than we usually did. She was too busy working for Dante- with his sexy stubble._

_Yeah what she didn't tell you all was that I worked as a tailor of sorts. I always loved working with clothing so in my free time Shadow and I would work on projects. We'd create cosplays of all sorts of characters. Our favorites were usually from games- like Dante, but I wasn't muscular to attempt it and Shadow's female-I hate cosplayers that are not perfect. We'd sometimes- when we had the money and things were going our way- would go to conventions! It was always fun because we'd meet so many great people! Back on topic again- sorry there's so many great things to mention that she missed._

_Whenever we had the time we would sometimes play games- we are humans even if we were a bit poor. So when she wasn't around I would wonder around town because there's no way in Hell that I would go and stay at home with Jake._

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><p>End Chapter 1 and Extras with Zack<p> 


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